Each month, “The Balance Sheet” provides questions and answers from experts on a topic that’s important to you as a manager. Please feel free to share this information with other colleagues who also manage people.
Q. My employee is frequently late to work. I’ve not made a referral to BJC EAP because the problem is plain and obvious. The employee is a single parent trying to get three small children off to school in the morning. I feel like a heel writing the employee up, but should I?
A. It’s a tough assignment for a parent to get three youngsters off to school in the morning, but your employee’s lateness probably has more to do with a lack of consistent planning and organization. Your unwillingness to enforce the standard of being on time interferes with his or her motivation to solve the tardiness problem. To prove the point, ask yourself whether you see short-term results immediately after a confrontation regarding tardiness. If so, something worked successfully; but it didn’t last, correct? Are you fearful that taking a stand will lead to a disciplinary action, possibly dismissal? Have a discussion with your employee assistance professional to get past this roadblock. Obviously, a problem like this one has multiple layers. It is a good one to illustrate how supervisors, through consults, and employees, as referrals, both benefit.
Q. My employee takes frequent and unexpected time off during the year to take care of four young children. It’s tough, and I feel sorry for this person, but I don’t see how BJC EAP can help. The employee obviously needs support at home. I don’t think there is anything else going on.
A. To you, this problem appears straightforward. However, it is almost always the case that new information, which the supervisor is not privy to knowing, is learned about during an assessment with BJC EAP. This is where the solution often lies. Although there is no way to measure it, let’s simply say that supervisors may never get more than 80 percent of the true story or scope of the issues involved. The rest is learned in a confidential meeting with BJC EAP. Your employee must weigh how much to share about the problem he or she faces, while trying to ensure that you see him or her in the best possible light. This means withholding information or aspects of the problem that do not serve this purpose. This is why you should never assume that BJC EAP can’t help an employee.
Q. When employees with performance issues mention their parenting problems, I feel obligated to participate in these discussions. It may sound cold, but I want to rid myself of this feeling and, like other supervisors, focus only on work issues.
A. Thinking that you are a cold person for not discussing parenting problems with your employees is a clue to the importance of overcoming this challenge. Staying focused on what is relevant to work and avoiding personal issues can be difficult if you are accustomed to others relying upon you to support them and solve their problems. It can be even more challenging if you feel satisfied or rewarded for it. Is your awareness about getting too involved a recent development? Have you recognized this struggle in the past, perhaps with other relationships outside of work? BJC EAP is a good starting point to help you identify the pattern and work toward ridding yourself of this struggle. Your experience is not uncommon. If important relationships in your past, especially in the home, were associated with guilt for not being a “fixer” or if you had responsibility for solving others’ personal problems or preventing them, you could feel obligated now to get involved with employees’ problems. BJC EAP can help.