Friends play an enormous part in our children’s self-esteem and success. Parents can have a tremendous impact on kids’ social lives, hindering or even harming their friendship chances. Here are ten ways parents can rain on their kids’ social parade.

1. Set a terrible example. Do you tell your kids to have good manners but then verbally abuse your server? Do you tell your kids not to talk about people behind their back and then pick up the phone to gossip? Don’t expect your kid to be a good friend unless you are.

2. Be a pushy stage mom. Do you insist that your shy son have a huge birthday party even though he’d rather invite his one close friend? Don’t think you can muscle your kid into friendships that only you care about.

3. Act like a micro-managing drill sergeant. Do you orchestrate every minute of your child’s time with her friends? Do you hover at every play date, constantly darting back and forth with some concern? Don’t hyper-parent or prevent your child from gaining her own friendship experiences.

4. Make your home as sterile as an operating room. Do your child’s friends feel like they ought to wear white gloves when they come over? Do you insist they take off their shoes and never touch anything? Don’t be so uptight about being orderly that your kid and his friends can’t relax.

5. Be a dinosaur. Do you embarrass your kids in front of their friends by not understanding their language or culture? Do you insist that your kid dress like he’s starring in Grease? Be open to change when it comes to customs and trends that are important to your kids and their friends.

6. Put on the robe and pick up the gavel. Are you constantly criticizing the way your child tries to make friends? Do you eavesdrop on her conversations and tell her what she should have said? Don’t be so critical that you discourage your kid from learning her own unique friendship skills.

7. Stick that nose in the air. Are your kids’ friends never good enough for your standards? Do you disrespect, ignore, and never take the time to sit down and find out who they really are? Don’t dismiss your child’s friends without learning what it is about them that your child values.

8. Be your kid’s best friend. Are you more concerned about your kid liking you rather than setting limits? Do you want your kid to be popular so badly that you make your home the most permissive place on the block? Don’t forget that you’re the parent, not the friend.

9. Chucking in that towel. Do you feel that no one helped you with friendship issues, so why should you bother? Don’t think there’s anyone better than you for supporting your kids’ efforts to learn friendship skills.

10. Living in a house of horrors. Do you treat everyone in your family with respect? Do your children want to bring friends home? Are they proud of you and look up to you as their role model? Don’t expect your children to make friends and bring them home if your house is an unhappy place.